Stop asking me for reasons,
must I supply two hundred medical studies
and essays, and legally-binding contracts,
just to prove that
everyone makes mistakes?
It takes more muscles to smile then frown,
and even less to say
"I'm sorry.
I didn't know."
I can do it, why can't you?
I was wrong to care, I was wrong like
spiderwebs on the top of beer glasses
and blonde boys on mopeds who scoot off into dreams.
I gave it my all and now
nobody even thinks that I care.
People are blood and bone and water.
But we're also lies and
tears and stupid stupid accusations.
I thought that I could describe love like
warm sun on your shoulders as you doze off.
I thought that people were gentle and soft, I thought
we made watercolour kisses
from nothing and made them last.
I thought that maybe for once it was okay to open up,
to say here I am.
I'm trying my best here, I'm pulling planes and
trains and the twin towers with my veins,
I'm inventing a world where people don't cry and
nobody good gets hurt and
all you think of, when you think of me, is hate.
Four days ago I thought I was brave and whole and lucky.
I guess I was so good at lying, I
even fooled myself.
Hope is for the losing side, the invaders of hope
need only arrogance and good press.
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